Hi there, I wish you all the best in your marriage life. I hope it was not so hard for you to adjust in this journey to becoming a wife, welcome to the club! As previously shared to you in my previous blogs, me and my husband just got married this January 2021, and it was great. However, the transition and adjustment period were not easy than I’ve imagined. Way before, I always dream of being a better wife that I could. I’ve listed some of the best habits that I thought I could do to easily adopt and be a better wife, a better version of me.
A week after our wedding, I have realized that there’s a big change in my behavior, my routines and my emotions. And these all were unplanned, I never thought this could be this spontaneous. Maybe because I am an emotional person especially to the people whom I loved the most. I’m sharing some of my tips on this adjustment phase. May these help you even just in a little way, lovelots!
- Open-up your feelings to your spouse. One of the most important, aspect in a marriage life is communication. It is a process of sending and receiving information, thus, a two-way process. As an old adage goes, a problem shared is a problem solved. For me, being married gives someone a sense of feeling that you will not be alone anymore as long as you got your other half’s back. So, if you are having hard time on something bring-up the concern no matter how insignificant it is. I remember when I feel so tired from work and I still have to prepare for our dinner. I transformed my frustrations into unpleasant behaviors and mood swings, I don’t like to say it verbally to my husband that I like him to help me with dinner. I keep on nagging and saying that I’m so tired. And that night, we end-up into arguments (I don’t like going back into those times). Then my husband politely asked me “what’s wrong, and asked me how can I help you? Those times made me realized that an open communication is really important to every relationship. Why is it that we find it hard to communicate our feelings? I myself can say that I am afraid of communicating because the things that I will tell my husband may cause him mad or may hurt him, that’s why I rather have them by myself. But this thinking won’t worked, if you want a relief in what you are feeling, open-up your feelings to your spouse. Discuss the things that you want to improve and try working them out together. After that night of heart-to-heart talks, my husband regularly helps me in the household chores. He washes the dishes after our meals, do the laundry, feed our adorable kitten and more other chores. Remember that communication is a two-way process, opening-up your feelings does not only mean that you alone will open-up, encourage your spouse to do the same, and learn to also listen on his/her sentiments.
2. Humble yourself, forgive and forget. Sometimes it’s hard to admit the fact that it is us who caused the fire-up. It’s hard to humble down when your ego is more important than your peace of mind. Let go of your ego and humble yourself. Sometimes a simple “what can I do to make you feel better?” makes a relief. There was a time that I feel that my husband owes me an apology because of a nonsense stuff. I tried to ignore him and to disregard him for a little while, but I realized that I can’t. I can’t let my ego overrule me knowing that our relationship as husband and wife is more important than anything else. In this journey, know that your husband is your ally, and whatever it is that made you angry at, think about it? Is it worth the stress? If not, humble yourself and ask for forgiveness, then forget that nonsensical thing.
Sometimes, forgiving is not an easy thing to do, this requires time and it’s a process. It also varies on the weight of the concern you are taking. As married couple, the two of you is expected to take care of your marriage and take care of each other, that would include avoiding on doing things that will hurt each other. Once you are forgiven, be sincere with it and avoid doing these things again and again, by that how can you be also worth of the forgiveness? As I’ve said humble yourself, being humble is to submit your mistakes and reflect from those, the correction of those mistakes must follow.
3. Always go back to the core of your marriage-your love for each other. This is always my favorite reminder, why you’ve married your spouse in the first place? This is the core of any relationship—your WHYs? Marriage is a sacred sacrament, and everyone should take care of one’s marriage. One of the messages of our wedding guests is that when we have disagreements and challenges, always go back to the reason why we come-up this far. I know all of us are not perfect, for sure as we journey together, we will have more fights together, more disagreements to solve and more nags to say, but before coming-up to a more painful argument, go back to the core of your relationship. What made you in love with your husband?
When I and my husband exchanged wedding gifts to each other, he gave me a camera, I asked him why he came-up with that gift and he told me that he wants us to be reminded on the beautiful memories that we will capture together so that when we get old and our memories can’t hold any longer or if we have any misunderstandings, we can go back to our memories again and again. This way, we will be reminded of our love to each other which is more important than any trial, ego or challenges that we will be taking.
4. Pray for each other. This is the most important tip that anyone should keep. There is a saying that says “A family that prays together, stays forever”, yes because prayer is the most important weapon in everything. Believe that whatever it is that you are going right now, from the adjustment phase in your marriage life to a happy and a better version of you in your marriage life, there should be God being the center of your marriage. It is very important to pray for each other, and to lift up to God everything. Be each other’s prayer warrior especially in this crucial stage of adjustment phase.
Sharing this bible verse for when you pray:
2 He said to them, “When you pray, say: “Father, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come. 3 Give us each day our daily bread. 4 Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us. And lead us not into temptation.” (Luke 11:2-4)
5. Never give up on your marriage and enjoy the journey together. Marriage life is a lifelong journey, as what you have vowed in the covenant, in sickness and in health ’til death do you part. In this lifelong journey, keep that love burning and enjoy the company with each other. God does not promise us that it will be easy, but for sure it will be worth it! I know, as we journey this together, we will have these challenging times, we just have to keep going and enjoy the journey.
I wish everyone will have a blessed and happy marriage life ahead! Let’s pray for each other and cheer up each other! This is one of the most beautiful verse that reminds us how love conquers above all.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 New International Version
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Wishing so much love and blessings into your marriage life,
Mrs. Mira Ducusin ❤